I have been very jumpy lately and very attached to my obsessive compulsions to help soothe some of my anxiety which has been going mad lately. My friend, one of the two I have, asked me to please explain what is going on and how she can help. I said I was, and have been having, extremely disturbing intrusive thoughts. She wanted to know more.

Lately it has been "I can walk into traffic" "I can push someone into traffic" "Maybe I will take a walk and die in a field from the cold", etc. She looked concerned, then shocked, then repulsed. Saying "That's not OCD. You sound like a soon to be serial killer."

My friend has OCD. But she refuses to understand it isn't just about physical compulsions. It has to do with compulsive and impulsive thinking. I got really upset and got my car keys to leave because I wont stand being called a serial killer. And she said that I need to do more research because that isn't OCD and she hopes I get the help I need, meaning being institutionalized, as soon as possible.

I feel disgusted and angry. JUST HOW THESE THOUGHTS MAKE ME FEEL ALWAYS.

I hate my brain so much.