Today sucks. I'm falling back into a depression, despite the anti-depressant meds and all I really want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for the rest of my life. I hate my job and the more work they pile on, the more stressed I get. My meds make me sleepy and slow and I feel like a zombie. I have to do a lot of driving for work and I wonder when the day will be when I fall asleep behind the wheel and kill myself. I can't quit my meds and I can't quit my job.

I keep having daydreams about killing myself. The relief of not having to deal with myself on a daily basis is the basis of these daydreams. The thought of ending this rollercoaster ride is so appealing. The more I think about it though, the guiltier I feel for thinking these thoughts. It's selfish. I feel like I've failed my family for being such a burden and I don't know how to stop it.