I think that is the most telling thing, the silence. My T is the same way.

I think sometimes my T might be gay.

Two of my teenage role models were closeted lesbians who worked in the school district or with the Girl Scouts. I only learned of their orientation upon becoming an adult and friending them on Facebook!

I think that's what draws me to my T! She's like my old Girl Scout leader!

I haven't asked my T about it because it doesn't matter to me either way. But I often do wonder! I just assume my T is gay and I've used gender neutral language when talking about partners.

And I agree that a straight T might've mentioned her spouse sooner. Especially after all those years. It would slip. Gays are more practiced at using language in a way that doesn't give away anything.

I wonder if you couldn't say something like, "I wonder if you can relate to me because you've dealt with similar things with your partner?"