Quote:
Originally Posted by thatcreepyclown
Considering your previous marriage, I agree with Open Eyes.
You need to do what is best for you; and in this case, from what I've read, is that neither of these men are what you need.
You've been through physical abuse and were able to escape from it. The emotional abuse, while it may seem different, is still abuse. And there's no reason for you to settle for that. You need to find someone who cares about you.
Also, yes, your children should also weigh in on your decision. Do they know about your current husband and his emotional abuse? And do they fully understand the physical abuse from your previous husband?
It seems that they might have gone through it if you had gone through it (considering they lived with you, etc.) and from their eyes, it could be a different perspective.
In honesty, it seems to me like you want to "settle" for your ex-husband. But you shouldn't feel that way.
You're a strong person that has been through a lot and deserves a hell of a lot more, excuse my language.
And you shouldn't settle. You deserve better.
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You're absolutely right. My children did go through all the abuse while they were growing up. He was their stepfather. My fault was that I stayed with him when I should have left a long time ago to spare my children from witnessing this abuse. I was also a practicing alcoholic at the time so I had my share of responsibility in the breakdown of my family. I have been in AA with total sobriety for six years now, and for the most part I have turned my life around. But some of my character defects are stubborn, like staying with a man who is emotionally abusive. I believe my main reason for doing so is the following. It is the explanation I gave to another response to my situation. I copied and pasted it here:
Since I remarried, I gave up my job as a substitute teacher. I'm in my late sixties and would not make it on social security alone. I would have to sell my condominium because I wouldn't be able to afford the taxes and association fees. I also began babysitting for two grandchildren four days a week and I do this for free as I don't believe in charging my own family for this labor of love. I gave a large sum of money, I had saved, away to my son so he could buy a home. He said he would pay back. I told him he could take his time, then I told him he didn't have to pay any of it back. It is his and his wife's children I'm babysitting. In addition to that he has recently taken in an elderly relative who is in her late eighties. When I babysit for his children I also care for her. She is incontinent and has Alzheimer's. I do this for free as well. Although my son did say he would begin paying me $50.00/day out of her money for her care. But that won't be enough for me to care for myself. I suppose I could get someone to live with me at the condo if I left my current husband to help with the costs. I could also quit babysitting and substitute teach again, if a school district would hire me. The other option I thought is selling the condo and moving into a less expensive mobile home community or apply for low income housing. I know my kids depend on me so they can keep their careers going. My daughter-in-law is a nurse practitioner, my son, a registered nurse (the couple for whom I'm babysitting). They have a good income, but have a big expensive home. They've already told me if I ever needed a home I could come live with them, but since they already have an elderly relative living with them, I would feel as though I were imposing. What I didn't mention, I just began babysitting for one of my other children's baby. So on some days I babysit for a baby in diapers, two little girls, and an elderly person also in diapers due to her incontinence. I feel overwhelmed at all my responsibilities. Who can people like me turn to?
Sorry for the length of my response! But thank you so much for your reply to my post.