so its nearly 5am here where I live I have literally been up all night and I can't seem to get to sleep for anything.

I am up and active doing thing like trying to clean and organize things, its getting on my mothers nerves a lot.

but I just can't get tired, and I can't seem to sit stilll.

when she aproaches me she asks why I am up and what is wrong, i don't feel like there is anything wrong I just wired in a different way then most people when like this to where I am more active at night. I have literally been like this for years.

but my mother has a tendancy of being narissitic and making things a pity party for her.

I know it sounds mean but I don't feel like me being how I am I should take the blame of her lack of sleep, or for her being a light sleeper. Someone askig another person to be entirely different from how they are is not possible.

i don't even thinks she realizes how annoying it is to deal with being this way and having to cope with evening of immense mania and insomnia. What makes it worse is she is trying to read up on bipolar and things like that but in all honesty. Reading a book made for parents about how your kid behaves when dealing with mental disorders.

is not the same as dealing with it one on one, I really despite the fact that some how I am made out to be a bad guy cause of symptoms of my disorders. Yes i do go to counseling and yes I am making changes in the issues that I struggle with, does not that mean the mental disorder or its symptoms have gone away. NO,..no it does not!!

it means that I know what i have and what can or will happen to me, some days are better then others, and some not so much. But I refuse to feel like a freak or an outcast just cause I have days or in my case evenings that are not perfect.

hell at least tonight I am not dealing with my typical rapid cycling bipolar swings where I get all manic and then VERY shortly after I have depression cycles. But if my family keeps this up it could swing that direction, I would like for it not to but one never knows.