The fact that you think you are awesome is an unnatural statement. You have good qualities, usually intelligent and able to get the adoration from others to validate you. Yes you are addicitve because you ensure that you are - you make that happen with your charm and words etc. You are just a normal human being who have talents and goodness but also without the validation you crave you can feel as if you are nothing and nobody - you cannot accept that and so you continue to find 'N' supply and validation. You are not special you are the same as everyone else but you cannot live with being that - my question is why? Why do you need to be the best/!