The stress of being a T can be overwhelming...and it's not for everyone. I wouldn't be worrying about what you think God wishes for you in the future, because it is the NOW that you must concern yourself with, imo.

Talking to T in your mind can be a good thing if you are repeating all the good adages and known actions that are in your best interest for healing. If you have to replace negative thinking, the more times you can think positive things the sooner you will heal.

Once you're healed you can work on helping others imo. Practicum can wait... or you might be able to sneak your way through. Is that really the way you want it to go? IDK. I wouldn't choose that way. I think putting off learning until you are healthy is a better way to learn. If someone is depressed they don't see things in the proper perspective, imo. I'd be leery of learning in that condition myself.

TC!