I know that everyone faces difficulties in life.. trials and heartache. I know that everyone has battles they fight. No one's life is perfect. "That which does not kills us only makes us stronger", right? Life isn't fair... believe me I know! I don't want this to come off as a "woe is me" kind of thing, but....

I hate being Bipolar!
I hate the constant mood swings... having no control over them (even when medicated they never stopped..only lessened).
I hate the fact that I have to take medication to be "normal" - what if WE are the normal ones and everyone else are abnormal??
I hate putting my family through this.. it can't be easy for them.
I hate that I may be passing it on to my girls
I hate that it has cost me almost every friend I've ever made (only 1 left)
I hate how it has drastically affected every relationship I've ever had
I hate how it has cost me a good job (with insurance)
I hate how when manic I spend almost all my money (even bill money)
I hate the crying, the irritability, the mad, the sad, the impatience
I even hate the mania- don't get me wrong when I'm manic I'm fantastic! I can make a quilt in a day, paint an entire room in a few hours, compete in a half marathon... so much can be done when manic, but I know that it can't last and when I crash....
But the thing I hate the worst is how much I hate telling people I'm Bipolar. I shouldn't be ashamed or worried. Yet because of the stigma I fear telling anyone. The doctors say to look at Bipolar as having diabetes. Well that's a bad analogy.. No one looks at you with fear or disgust when you tell them you are diabetic. I've tried to be open with people and the usual reaction is "Oh" followed by a long pause and them walking away. It took my family a few years (and a couple of hospital stays) for them to accept it. It took me 6 months to tell my boyfriend... I was so nervous I was vomiting! I fully expected him to say it was more than he wanted to deal with and break up. Instead, he looked at me and said, "yeah I know. Now what do you want for supper?" I knew then he was a keeper! lol

I rambled... I'm sorry but I had to get that out. Thank you for reading!