Thanks so much everyone...I guess I am learning that BPD"s(me) blame other people instead of taking resposibility, so i am confused am I just not taking responsibility.. but today i wrote 4 pages for my T it is like an epiphany,, but something really weird happened last week... I calmly packed a bag and told him I had to leave..I have never done this ever... we have been married over 30 years and I was so tired of being blamed for his depression and his unhappy life i just couldnt take it anymore,,, he was enraged!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean throwing stuff spitting in my face yelling so hard...I mean he has these uncontrollable outbursts and they are getting more and more intense. and more frequent this last year...he says I make him that way going to T next week