I have been told I have bipolar disorder and BPD traits...and I also abuse alcohol. I've been on meds for about 2-3 years now. I can empathize with the pain...the raw emotions...and for me it is often shame...I have felt like I am a bad person sometimes. And I can get so caught up in this that I just plunge into suffering. Lately I've been trying to look at myself differently. If I knew another person who has been through all I have in life and often suffers, would I hate them or have compassion? So, I've been trying to be compassionate with myself - I makes so much sense that I would drink to feel better given all I've been through. Works great short term....stinks as a long-term solution. What would it be like if you saw yourself as a person who has been through a lot and suffers...and chose to drink because it had helped you at times in your life? You have been through a lot of traumatic things...and deserve all of the self-compassion in the world. Someone once told me that "it's not what I've done in life, it is what has happened to me". You are a worthy person, no matter what life has handed you.....