Not yet. Friday is the day. I've been reading up on it and...whew...part of me wants to swear and part of me wants to rejoice. how messed up is that? I always saw myself as sort of an emotional vampire...I think someone coined the phrase but trust me, I had it first. lol not that that sounds NPD or anything haha

True tho....become what they want, get all the emotional high I could...get bored, move on. Then I met someone who did such similar things and I went into BDP land, hard....forgot who was driving the bus. I remember now, so, how do I feel about it? Is it bad for me? Maybe in the long run, but in the short horrid run of the abusive (emotionally and touching on physically---touching a little too close and with promise of more) relationship I was in, it's actually a better thing for me to know...who *I* am...who he is. So I can cut and run. Instead of waiting for a sort of permission...a 'last straw' so to speak.

Who I'm not. Someone mentioned a mask. Makes so much sense...never leave home without it. I'll tell my T of course....my new one...the last one was, in my opinion a little too friendly (not sexually, just...fawning...hard to explain) and I doubt it will go over well. Just a feeling. Meds scared me. I refused. I don't want to lose 'me' just to gain what others think as normal, but I don't want to hurt people or find myself in the position I was in just recently.

Wow, that last sentence had the essence of complete truth and complete lie all in one. (sigh)