I know how you feel. more than ever. People are ignorant, and love to blame the victim especially when the victim was drinking too much, or high while it happened. I myself have been raped while very very drunk, and had people turn it around on me and call me a *****, and then i felt like it was my fault, and beat myself up over it. I self medicated to deal with everything, and started sleeping around which reassured everyone that i was just some drunk girl who was asking for it. I'm really sorry that you had to experience that all as well, i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

It is a hard thing to go through, and It's hard not to feel alone with or without support. I dealt with it in a poor way. I was 15 when it happened, and I'm still coming to terms with it. Don't blame yourself. Those men are god damn sick, and greasy. Nobody deserves that regardless of how much casual sex you have, regardless if you mistake sex for love. It's so much easier for people to **** on the victim and question their character rather than attack the predator. it's a sad world we live in. I have also tried to end my life over it thankfully I picked up the phone. I don't think I would still be here today, If I didn't. Rape is something that can bury deep down inside of you, you can try and distract yourself from thinking about it, drink every last drop of the bottle but it always comes back to haunt you. I thought i was okay for the longest time, But now I've come to terms that I'm not, and I need help. You wanna know If you really love someone and it's not just sex and lust? You aren't trying to fill a void. You know they won't hurt you, and you always count on them to be there at the end of the day for you, they support you, and they appreciate and respect you for who you are as a person. I can tell you as terrible and traumatic as it is to have to experience rape, for myself it has made me a stronger women. I have educated myself on rape culture, got involved in feminism. Before I was unable to stick up for myself, when a guy wanted to have sex with me and I didn't want to I wouldn't say no. Now I speak up for myself, and I refuse to let people In my life who will hurt me. I got rid of toxic friendships. I rather be alone then deal with toxic people.

Never mind those people who have hurt you. It's say nothing about you, and everything about who they are as people. Their ignorance won't get them too far in life. It's amazing that you have gone through that and are able to share your story with others. It's a hard thing to deal with mentally never mind sharing it with others. Your parents did the right thing unfortunately I wasn't lucky enough to have the same support. I know exactly how you are feeling right and if you EVER and i mean EVER need to talk to someone I'm here for you. Because I genuinely care, and I will never ever judge you. take care