Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Scared? Boy do I ever understand. First I was scared of being alone, then I was scared because maybe I'm too damaged, and finally, too scared because I got mistaken for a punching bag.
I get it and I'm not judging you.
I can tell you this though, YOU are selling yourself short, you are accepting this treatment out of fear, and you know what? As scary and painful as walking away is, it DOES lead to a better path, but only you can lead yourself there.
Staying means losing yourself, your self-respect, maybe eventually even you dignity, and the worst leaving does is force you to face the unknown...
Think about that.
The fact this is the second man you've dated with such possessive and abusive behaviours is another thing to explore with a therapist. What is it about these men that you found appealing, and why do you stay when you know you shouldn't?
I know Idk you, but honestly, I want whats best for you, more importantly, I want YOU to want what's best for you. When you want it enough, the fear ceases to cripple you  |
Hmmm yes... Problem is not that initially they were like that. Problem is that initially they say that they are okay with whatever my past is and I tell my past - not fully but just what's needed. But later on, I am being forced to say every tiny detail. And then what's good first, becomes worse later. I don't even know as to whom to turn to because, even friends who lend a ear to my troubles, talk behind me and I am left confused. Worst is that even while making love, my BF has to scream stuff like I am not a virgin - do I have any dignity - I am impure and much more worse stuff. He says that because he is not the first man in my life, he can't show me anything new - even if I deny and say he means the world and even smallest things I do with him is new, he can't accept it. He never feels reassured when I say that I am 100% happy with him.
I know I should be with someone who appreciates me and enjoys being with me for whom I am. But just that - none of the guys I have come across are like that - most don't mind saying they are in love with me and flirt but when it comes to commitment, they say I am like this and that.
PS: I live in India and my biggest fear to let go is that all men here will be that way and I have to settle to just being with him and hope for the best even if I am getting more depressed by the day.