I have been married for 12 years, together for 20 with my husband. I cheated 10 years ago, thus finding out I was Bi-polar and in a hyper sexual mania mode, let alone spending way too much money we did not have etc. Well, here I go again. I just cheated again and am hopelessly attached. He ended it because I am married and can't do it. Now I cannot take the rejection and am in a big downward spiral of very low self esteem. I want to be friends with this guy but am confused if that is a good idea or not. I just cannot let him go. I wake up all night long thinking about him. I do everything in my power to not call him or text him or I will push him away from even being a friend. I became very crazy and emotional which made things worse because this guy has no idea that I am Bi-polar...he just thinks I am a nutbar. Should I tell him I am Bi-polar to explain myself? I feel so insecure like I need to. How do I move on and concentrate on my marriage? I need to tell my psychiatrist when I see her next week but I am afraid because she will be very disappointed in me like I am right back to where I was 10 years ago.