I was thinking about something this morning as I ice my leg down for my MS shot.

Something that has been true in my own life:

Most of the time I can pass myself off as being very together. People that aren't extremely close to me would never guess all the stuff I've got going on. I have done TV interviews, radio spots, newspaper interviews, public speaking and the like.

But is that the real me? Partly, I guess. But the other part is when my moods are all over the place and my butt is falling off. It is so hard for me to open up to people on more than a surface level.

I remember last June being in the hospital on a high-dose steroid IV for my MS. I was so agitated, I couldn't sleep and I felt like I was going to fly apart. I broke down and called my then brand new T. I forced myself to reach out, even though my tendency is to isolate and withdraw. I was bawling because the massive steroids were making me so angry and depressed. She was wonderful and I felt so much better afterward.

My T and P-doc know if I didn't have a problem I wouldn't be there. ( I could sure use that money, LOL.) I am tired of pretending to be fine and then crying in emotional agony when no one is around because I am too proud/afraid/ whatever to let my not-so-pretty side show. I want to get better, and I am going to do whatever it takes to make that happen. This me is trying to get better, trying to get real and have some powerful growth.

You can too. You are a very special person! If your butt falls off, pick it up and call your T. Put it in a bag and go to your appointments. Pick up a phone and call your support system if you need to do that.

None of us has it all together. None of us. But if we don't risk being known, if we don't reach out we do not grow and change for the better. We all have a gift to share with the world, we all deserve happiness. We can choose a new day. And you can, too!

I hold you in my thoughts.

Hugs,
RF