I have the greatest ideas sometimes. Sigh.
My mind is taking some of the Creepypasta stories I've been reading and other assorted thoughts and stuffing it all together - complete with music - into one giant thought pattern. "Hate My Way" could be playing, and I'll get horrible images from when I self-injured complete with monsters looming in the darkness, watching me and telling me that I needed to do that.
Last night I had a period of time in which I had thoughts of harming others, which is completely unlike me.
Right now, all I can hear is a repeat of the same lines from the song "Ellen West" by Throwing Muses in my head as I type this out and try to get my thoughts down.
"Courting Ellen West,
Dancing on her grave,
Saving Ellen West,
My house is full of demons, I swear to GOD..."
It doesn't feel like my thoughts are racing, they just feel fast and hard to grab on to. I don't hear chatter, it's more of an introvert-type thing. I get so deep in thought that anything I think will be long gone in a nanosecond.
Today at lunch my best friend told me that her mom had been being ****** again. Her mother called her worthless, stupid, pathetic, lazy, you name it. She even suggested that this friend's boyfriend didn't love her because how could anybody love her?
And I suddenly felt the greatest wave of rage that I have felt in a long time. I never get angry. But at that point in time, I could have slowly tortured her mother to death. My friend is none of those things which she said. I don't remember what I said, sadly, because I fell down into a spiral and couldn't stop going fast for a moment.
All I remember is calling her mother a worthless c**t. Which, I know, I shouldn't be saying at my age...but I don't know what happened, everything just shut off in my head.
My God, I went way off subject.
Sorry.
I'm actually going to go to bed and listen to music for a while.
Goodnight.