I'm from the Southern US. As a child I was taught to call all adults ma'am or sir, Mr. or Mrs. As an adult this carried over into the business world. It would have been a serious breach of etiquette to address a client by a first name. Some Southerners are liberal with the use of "honey," "sweetie," "darlin'," and such, but generally not in a business situation or with someone older than yourself.

Today while I was having my knee x-rayed (turns out it's a chronic condition, not an acute injury) the technician addressed me as "young lady" and then as "girl." I'm nearing 50, and I wondered how old I have to be before I'm a grown woman, not a girl. Furthermore, where I'm from, "young lady" is what you call a naughty child you're scolding. "All right, enough of that, young lady, you go to bed right now!"

I have yet to see anyone at this health facility step into a waiting room and ask for Mrs. B---. It's always my first name, and most of the time they mispronounce it. Then when the "young lady" and "girl" comes in too, well, if it's someone older than I am, I get the message, "I don't yet think of you as an adult and equal to me." If it's someone younger, I get the message, "You're not important enough for me to have to show any respect to."

But I do understand the dilemma, because in other parts of the country, I've seen women get huffy about it. "What do you mean, calling me ma'am? Do I look like an old lady to you?" I've read beauty articles that claim to offer tips on how to look younger. "How to avoid being called ma'am at the grocery store." This confuses me, because I tend to think, "Why would anyone want to avoid being respected?" In my experience, teenagers are "miss," but any adult woman is "ma'am," especially if she's married. She doesn't have to be old.

How do you feel about it?