Hi AJ. My friend, Mel linked me to this thread because I can really (REALLY) relate to how you're feeling. When I go to hospitals or what not, I hear these horror stories of people being abused or distant parents or terrible circumstances and I feel like my depression isn't "justified" Like you, I feel like all the external events in my life have been pretty normal (if not completely fortunate-- I was born into a really good, affluent, loving family). My parents love me, there's no question about that, but from what you wrote, I think I can relate to the overbearingness. I was fortunate to grow up with both my parents always around since my dad works out of the house and my mom doesn't need to work.

My parents-- more so my mom than my dad-- were extremely involved in my life throughout high school. They put a lot of pressure on me to do well and get into a respectable college. My mom would help me as much as she could-- she'd quiz me on my Spanish vocab and proofread some of my papers... when I got depressed, it got to the point where she was pretty much writing my college apps for me. My parents have since lightened up (they even told me that if right now isn't the right time for college, I can do something else-- something that I would have never even imagined them saying 5 years ago)... but their expectations continue to haunt me even though the external pressure is off.

So similar to you, I feel like nothing in my life has warranted my depression. I feel guilty for doing this to my parents-- as loving parents, I feel like they deserve a better daughter than me. Sometimes when I can't get out of bed or have a hard time functioning, I blame myself for being lazy.

I def agree with what atomicc said. No one chooses depression for themselves, something that my T reminds me quite often when I'm in her office sobbing over nothing in particular. She tells me that I clearly wouldn't feel this way/do this to myself if I didn't have to. Depression can be caused by external circumstances... but you also have to remember the brain chemistry about it and some of depression is just out of our hands. Even if nothing "bad' happened to us, our depression is validated because we still feel the overwhelming emotions and have to cope with them.