sometimes its just not possible. you know what dissociation is right...something triggers a person or alter. then the one that gets triggered spaces off, numbs out, fades their self, sinks their self into being part of the furnishings, walls, floating, what ever is their way of dissociating. they do this to get away from what ever the trigger is. an alter that deals with that type of problem takes over and keeps things going to the best of their abilities until the triggered one or another alter takes over to do their job, purpose, reason for being in order to deal with whats happening at that moment.

well sometimes the dissociating is so extensive/deep that the host and in my case almost all the other alters too have no co consciousness. co consciousness is things like being able to know each other exist, being able to hear each other, being able to communicate with each other, being able to share memories, thoughts, ...with each other.

what that means is for instance when I dissociated, I was not aware of most of the alters, I was unable to hear most of them, unable to communicate with most of them, unable to share in their thoughts, memories, actions.... it worked the same way with my alters. those that I the host was not co conscious with were unable to communicate with me, unable to share their thoughts, memories, actions, who and what they were with me.

the result of this was that when I dissociated the alters could not "find' me just like an abuser could not "find" and hurt me. by way of dissociating it was my way of keeping myself safe and how I was able to survive...by dissociating and the alters taking over handling things I could not handle.

no one could break through my dissociating wall, not the alters, not my friends, not my family, not my treatment providers. that dissociating wall was there because I put it there by using dissociation to survive. the only way that dissociation wall was going to come down was if I stopped using dissociation and learned how to stay grounded and learned how to handle my problems.

it took a very long time for me the host to become grounded and learn what was needed to learn. because I was dissociated so much many of my alters did not know I existed, or knew I existed but believed I was never around. how could they know I was out sometimes when they had no co consciousness with me.

kind of like the hypothetical does a tree still make a sound if no one is in the woods to hear it fall. wood still makes a cracking sound when it breaks whether or not someone is listening, people still talk when no one is listening, a human being can still function /do, say hear...things when no one is around to hear or see them.

my point being is that it may not be possible for anyone inside your internal system of alters to find your host, because thats how and what your host needed in order to survive. And the level of dissociation needed for your host to survive may be one where the host is having times when they are around, aware but because of how extensive/deep the dissociation is you alters may not have the ability to know about when the host is around, just like the host may not realize when you alters are in control.

if this is the case where do you go from here... you keep on keeping on,...you all continue to do your job,purpose, reason for being and as you all heal through what ever treatment options you are on with your treatment providers, in time some or all of you (including the host or not) will gain enough healing where the dissociation walls will start coming down and co consciousness begins to happen, and eventually you all including the host will be able to be in contact with each other.