so sorry this happened to you. this is classic OCD. My shrink told me, when I finally confessed what my horrific thoughts were, that serial killers/killers don't sit around and fret about the thoughts of hurting people. They rather delight in such thoughts and set out to make plans as well. We are repulsed by these thoughts, we can barely believe our brains can think up such evil things. Guess what? we are not alone - what about Stephen King and Dean Koonz(sp?) and other thriller writers. How about Silence of the Lambs - someone thought it up - not a killer though - someone who is perfectly normal with a vivid imagination.

I made the mistake of telling my husband (ex now) that I was afraid I was going to chop up our newborn son. That I had visions of cutting him up and serving him for dinner. Totally twisted. This was not post partum psychosis either - I was on meds all through pregnancy and upped them as soon as baby came. It was my OCD. Here I was left alone with this helpless little body - what if I lost my mind? Well, i'm running long but suffice it to say that my husband was not understanding at all. In fact he wanted to have the baby taken away from me. Part of me wanted the baby given to a safe person but the other part of me knew I would also take a bullet for this baby, and that I didn't want to hurt him - I was just terrified I'd lose it and do bad stuff. I went on to have more children and i'm happy to say I didn't so much as hurt a hair on their heads but I sure had intrusive thoughts about killing each one of them.

You have OCD. Your friend is misinformed and I agree with you that she probably apologized because she thought you'd pick her off first - very funny. Try not to let it consume you - let the thoughts come in and go. You don't have to give them time and attention, they can just pass on through. Everyone has "sick" thoughts (how about the creator of Dexter?) but us with OCD treat them differently when they come. A "normal" person would just think nothing of it but we give it so much value and obsess! You aren't alone. You can always write to me off board - we have to keep each other feeling sane.

I see you like Criminal Minds or is it just the specific character in your clip? I love Criminal Minds too and lots of other dark shows. Don't think I haven't spent endless hours wondering what that means. I'm 50 now, a veteran.

Starbright777