I often feel the same way. In fact I was about to quit my job and move somewhere remote. Then work in a coal mine where nobody could find. Its almost as if I want to do this to hurt myself or to punish myself. I do this a lot. It makes me feel better when I am irrational and push everyone away and I think I do it to punish myself. Then afterwards, I realize I made a big mistake and try to make it right again. Once I called my health team because I felt abandoned by my previous doctor and to my new health team to take a hike. It made me feel good at the time but later realized I really needed the new health team and then I had to make it right. Thankfully, they did not kick me out.