Almost made me cry too. You're having a hard enough time, don't need to beat yourself up worse. No mother is perfect - even the ones who look perfect. I feel like a bad mom too, sometimes I have been. I've been depressed a lot, and isolate a lot. Or then I'm doing the opposite. But we love our kids. It is draining to try to pretend to be happy. Maybe you'll perk up when you see their little smiley faces. My 11 yr old is like that - he can cheer me up in a second. My older 2 are teens and mostly sneer at me or make fun of me or they're nice when they want something. I hope it goes ok this weekend and you are able to do what you feel is best without anyone forcing you to go out & all that. You don't get much time with them, it should be up to you how you choose to spend it. Sometimes chill at home with the kids is nice bonding & filling each other up with love time.