Your not a bad mom at all .. I hope once you see them some of the bad feelings will lift and you will just be able to relax a bit and soak in some love.

I also hate when I feel have to put my fake happy face on.. But sometimes we all have to / need to. All the things planned sound like it could be a good thing for you.. Just be kind to yourself and remember this cycle/mood/episode will indeed pass.. nothing stays the same with Bipolar.

*hugs*