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Ahh. What do your crisis plans look like? Is there a way to make them more specific so that it could be easier to go "ok, I need to phone now"?
If neither of you are willing to make the calls when you each know they need to be made.. maybe it's time to have more regular visits with the T at least? (how often do you go? Sorry... I'm really not in the greatest headframe so I have pretty much zero memory of anything I've read in the past about your family!)
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."
"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.
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