It's complex. It was as if I was walking around with a "Get Out of Life Free" card in my pocket. My thoughts always go straight to suicide. So... I made a Get Out of Life Free card and gave it to my doctor. Like a symbol that suicide is no longer an option for me. That was my first step.

Next I pictured how I would fail at this task of killing myself and would be then at the mercy of others. I hate not being in control, so this thought works for me.

I still get depressed and suicidal. This is what I do on a practical level when things are really bad. I go into survival mode.
-I take my medications back to the pharmacy and they hold them for me. I just keep a couple of days.
-I force myself to get up in the morning and shower, dress and put shoes on. -Music is very powerful for me so I consciously switch out the sad for upbeat techno or dance music.
-I have coffee. Caffeine seems to help me when I'm low.
-Breaking a sweat also seems to help.
-I stay away from alcohol.
-I start thought blocking my inner persecutor, who gets really loud when I am down. This is hard.
-I have a sketch journal and I draw my feelings. Especially the ugly ones.
-When everything else fails I take a prn and shut down for a few hours. Sometimes it's a safety measure.
-At really bad times I call a Help Line and explain that I just need someone to talk to while my prn kicks in. That keeps them calm and gets me the support I need.

This is what I do. What do you do to survive when you are down?