Hi sterella,

I haven't had an identical experience, but I certainly have gone through shorter periods of time with the feelings you describe. On reflection, I think much of the conflict for me was caused by a lack of representation of lesbian relationships in the world around me- until I was 18 years old I truly believed I couldn't be a lesbian because it was so rare! And partly because I'd never discussed my physical attraction to other girls when I was school-age because I was scared of the reaction.

As has already been mentioned I think sexuality is on a spectrum, and even my partner who is as lesbian as they get, says that she can feel some degree of attraction to a man, and could probably even enjoy sex with a man, but in terms of an emotionally intimate relationship as well, only a woman can fulfil that role.