I used to dread that one hour a week. I would think of what I would say before I would say and it would never be what I needed to say...I carried my journal to every appointment but never read her anything. I know I've come a long way in the last eight months but it's over now and a new chapter must begin. I wondered for a long time what kept me going back week after week. Sometimes it was because I new I had the power of whether or not I would talk. Sometimes it was because I was afraid of my own shadow. But somehow in her office it was ok to not be ok. And, that's it. It's really ok to not be ok and that is the most important realization that came out of the last eight months. I never once cried with her, I wanted to but the tears just wouldn't come because I was too stubborn to let go. I'm afraid of my own past. I know my healing journey is far from over. There are still words I can not say, things I can't do, places in my mind where I can't go but it's ok for now. I have to be strong now and I will be. The facade that I put on during the day cracked just a bit during my one hour each week. It was hard saying goodbye to someone who knows more about me than I care to admit. But she knows so much because I trusted her, I have never trusted anyone like that before.

I will miss my time with her because it was safe.

I'll be on my way to Iraq this time next week. It's going to be a long year but I will reflect on my time in that office whenever things get tough. I will be strong because I have to be. When you think of a Marine, please think of someone just like you. Someone who has issues just like everyone in the world has issues but someone who will sacrifice their own healing so others might have theirs. Peace be with you all.
~Sailaway