Hello, I am in a long and horrible marriage. For at least a couple of decades I am ashamed to admit that I didn't understand or see what exactly was going on. I suppose I am pretty naive and rather dense. My make up is that I am open, honest, and always expected others to be so too. Boy, have I learned...

So I got married again at 24 and here's the deal:

Casper MilqueToast is mild mannered and oh so nice, and I was happy to be Mrs. MilqueToast. I find that he gladly wants me to assume all responsibilities for my son from a prior marriage and for our two subsequent children as well, ALL responsibilities. In fact, he spends no time playing with them, talking to them, or even acknowledging they exist.

He quickly learns that what he 'forgets' I will finish or just do....

I get all household jobs, all the duties of fixing, repairing, mowing, doing EVERYTHING. While Casper works on his career and spends all time away that he can. He doesn't want to make a decision because then he's be responsible for the outcome. I have to be the man of the house.

In time I find that Casper is poisoning the minds of our acquaintances and friends against me. How you ask? Well it's because I'm controlling! On one hand I get his praise for taking all of this awful, terrible stuff off of his hands and making his life so much easier and then I get demonized for doing it! Because I am manly for it! He wants sympathy!

All this ended back in July of '09. I stopped doing everything. (He never picked up the slack! fyi!! lol)

But I want to know what kind of pathology makes someone do this? To have a person doing something the way they want it and then perversely go behind their back and demonize them for it? It was far more than just plain meanness. There was/is something really wrong with this guy.

There is a lot more wrong in this 25 year marriage. Terrible things. But this one just irks the crap out of me. I worked so hard to keep everything going and I carried his load and mine.

Thanks if you guys have any insight into this. I will offer mine which was a loooong time in coming. Like I said, I am unknowledgeable and slow in the 'games people play' department.

1. Passive Aggressive BIG TIME wish I'd known about this one!!!!!!!!!
2. Some Personalty Disorder
I feel this way because there is a huge emotional disconnect. As I describe him there is "nothing inside". No emotional bond to any person, animal, or anything. No expression of true joy or happiness. Only a weird sense of 'possession' like when it comes to me, his wife.

Thank you guys again. I am just trying to sort this out in my head.