I won't say that I know exactly how you are feeling, because nobody could know that. But, I can say that I've been there and that I can relate. I went through months, when my children were young, not wanting to get out of bed. If a friend, a grandmother figure in their lives, hadn't been present to help, I would have lost them. It was that bad.

I never stopped loving them with all my heart, but it was like I was paralyzed from the effects of depression. It's almost as if the disease robs you of who you really are. It changes you into a person, even you don't recognize. However, that stranger will eventually disappear, maybe in weeks, maybe not for months, but it will happen. Finding a good doctor, and an effective medication, definitely can speed up the healing process--but you must try to develop some degree of patience. I won't confide how long it took me to find that drug which finally provided relief.

The point is, it can and will happen. I still experience bouts of severe depression (in between my usual hypo-manic periods), but I also have learned tricks to make things more bearable. The main one is that I must force myself to get off my rear and do things. I know that if I do not, I will remain in the mud. Often, it is almost impossible, but I have seen--over and over again--what occurs if I sit and allow the "monster" to take control. See, I've been fighting this for 29 years. It remains a daily challenge, except now I know that it is one which is surmountable.

I wish you the best. Please be patient with yourself. Take things one step at a time--even one minute at a time, if necessary. You can do it!