It sounds like your T is missing the mark with Henrietta, although she seems to genuinely be trying to approach her. You might want to remind T that while Henrietta might be 9, she's a mature and aggressive/defensive 9 who has been 9 for a long time and would probably appreciate a more respectful approach.

I teach 9 year olds. For the ones who have a traumatic life... I do spend a lot of time trying to show them the difference between being bad and making bad choices. None of my students, and no child, is bad. They are not bad. But they can make bad choices quite often - and it's done out of fear and anger with their life.

I don't expect them to change their perspectives right away. I'll tell them about the things I see in them that are good, and I hope that by me explaining the difference often that maybe they will start to see it too.

Is H at a point where she would even be willing to try trusting someone? I know that some of my students have definitely not been - I try to be gentle and patient and I don't pry for answers from them. I just keep telling them about their positives every time I see them, and offering to listen to them when they've been causing a lot of disruptions and making those poor choices. Sometimes they may choose to start opening up, sometimes they won't. I've sat on the floor for about 20 minutes with a student in utter silence while the rest of the class worked on something. Eventually I needed to get up as that lesson was over - which is when my student decided to ask for a book. I said sure and was glad that he decided to ask me for something.

I would be feeling manipulated and bribed too, with the offer of a sucker. Has this happened in your past and H realizes that? If so, remind H that T is supposed to offer things to you to help you heal - and that she just made a rather dumb mistake and that adults can make those dumb mistakes too.

The anger that H is feeling is a sign that she's vulnerable though - probably more so than your other young ones. Anger is a protective reaction designed to keep others far away - and it's ok for H to be feeling like that.

Just ask your T to not be so patronizing and to remember that children are people too - my students respond best if I just talk with them and not at them. It sounds like your T was talking at/to H and not with her.

H - it's alright to be angry. But try your best to remember that the T is just trying to do their job, which is to help all of you. The T isn't trying to hurt you, even though she did make a bad choice in how to treat you. T made a bad choice, just like you make some bad choices (like kicking and throwing things - those are always a bad choice even if they make us feel better ).