When you mentioned, not recognizing things were amiss, right off the bat, oh so many of us, have gone into new relationships with our blinders on, rose colored glasses and completely unaware of the long term effects of how other peoples behavior affects us! You aren't alone, it's common and s to you!

I am not sure, about being able to categorize what you are specifically up against, however, in life's experiences, I have learned, is less about the label/diagnosis, and much more about the behaviors involved.

I am with you, on the demonization behind your back! I am right there, with you!! It stinks! It leaves one, feeling, very, very betrayed. And I know that when I feel betrayed, I get very angry!

It's really, I've learned, a means of isolation and control. Because, if you feel like, most everyone, around you, is of the same opinion, just how can you up and leave into a supportless society?!

I know I have more, to add, but am about to get somewhere, irl. I know, there's a lot of other supportive people on this forum.