Quote:
Originally Posted by Sterella
This post is going to sound really strange, but I don't get to see my T for about 2 weeks and this thought is weighing on me heavily.
I've never told anyone about this, but I have a habit of personifying emotions (or at least I'm pretty sure what this is. I have a terrible time discerning my emotions). Anyways, a couple of years ago, during an extremely depressive episode, I picked up a marker and drew.
I had given up drawing a long time ago because I found no enjoyment in it anymore, but for some reason I began to draw when I was sad. Later I would look over them and feel a little confused about why I would choose to draw such things. They at first featured a purple figure (sort of looks like a shadow, only purple. It has no details, just color) and some sort of situation. I assumed the purple figure was me, for it had red scars on its arms and legs where I had inflicted self-harm.
But I began to draw a blue figure interacting with the purple figure as well, usually it was a drag on the purple one, crying over its shoulder, weighing it down, keeping it from talking to other figures (that were orange in color).
Pretty soon, another figure appeared as well, a red one. This one would hurt the purple one, and seemed to have scars in the same places that the purple one did, and often would be portrayed cutting the purple one.
I couldn't help but wonder if maybe I have been dissociating this whole time, and I just didn't know about it, or maybe this is just a subconscious outlet for my feelings. It just seems so weird though, how realistic and different the figures seem. It is a little disturbing just looking at the pictures, because I don't understand where on earth I would have gotten the idea to make them.
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this is so interesting thanks for sharing... only you know whether this drawing what you were feeling and personifying your emotions is you dissociating.
what I can tell you is that in America doing this is not dissociating. its actually a therapy technique. which is why I said this is so interesting.....just last week when I could not verbalize what I was feeling my therapist pulled out crayons, markers and drawing paper, had me close my eyes and imagine what my feelings would look like and then open my eyes and draw my feelings. I drew a small generic gray figure with all kinds, shapes, colored figures all around me and hanging over me. my therapist who does interpreting artwork type therapy asked me when I was done ok which one is you.. I pointed to the grey person. she said no wonder you cant tell me what you are feeling. you colored yourself gray, not black not white not red green yellow. not a warm color not an angry color just a nice neutral gray. All your feelings are floating around waiting for you to notice they are there and invite them in. then she asked me questions like pointing to the black one and asked me what that one was representing, the same with the other colors I had chosen.
you see drawings are subjective. by that I mean they can mean anything and everything. drawing a figure and other figures around it doesnt necessarily mean the person drawing is dissociating, has alters and is feeling what one person thinks is angry or other person thinks that color is warmth. for me my therapist knows grays are not negative for me. those colors actually represent calmness, coolness, she knows my using black means victory, I have succeeded in something, she knows my usage of reds for me symbolizes faith and beauty, .....
my point is each person has their own meaning of what colors, shapes, person objects, drawing mean for them. only you and your therapist know how and why you drew the way you did.