Here is the letter H wrote to our t:
I'm mad at you. You didn't listen to me but now you are asking questions. I'm not a good little girl and I never want to be. I am me. Learn who I really am before you try to make me good like Charlotte.* I protect her from bullies like mean people. I was starting to trust you, but you aren't listening. Only IJ and Charlotte like me just for me. I thought you did too. Why do I have to be good to be liked? You made me sad.

*Charlotte is 6/7 years old, and H was created to take over when she got too overwhelmed. T knows Char really well, but only hears from H about certain things when she's upset.

It's a pretty strong letter, but says exactly how she's feeling. We're not sure about actually showing her the letter, because in the past people tend not to react kindly to H...she doesn't really give them a chance. I like the point of the letter, but I know she will want to talk to her about it, and she's on very thin ice. If she says something wrong again, or goes into trying to prove that H is good again, it will be too much, and will not go over well. It's kind of one of those situations where I can see where each of them are coming from, and know that they don't really see things from the other's point of view. At the same time, I feel like it's my T's job to try to understand H before H will budge. After all, H didn't come to therapy, I did. Is this expecting too much?

I would have the same reaction as you to your T making comments about staying in the city and not coming to sessions. I always feel like my helping people are trying to get me out the door, because of the way services are set up here. They mostly have to do with a certain number of sessions, but can be renewed as long as necessary, so I always feel like I'm being pressured to get better faster so they can fit someone else in to get help. ALL in my head, I'm told over and over, and logically believe. But it's still hard. Can you write a letter or tell your T: When you say "x" I hear "y"? I used that with a comment she kept saying about me being too hard on myself. I told her when she says that I dont' hear that I should be gentler, I hear that there is one mroe thing wrong with me that I can't get right, and it just makes it worse. I said if she tells me to try and be gentle with myself, of give myself some slack, I would be more receptive, and so she's done that since.

I totally understand not wanting to let the angry part take over and be honest. There are parts of me that will tell her exactly what they think of her, etc. When I first came in, it was just me, and no one else really took over. Since we've gotten more used to her, certain parts will just slip out and say what they feel to her. I never know whether she'll take it as a good thing when the angry parts decide to tell her 'how it is' or whether it will just make things more difficult and she'll want to get rid of me even more. The mind games that go on in my head because of trust issues are really hard.
I think it's even harder when your abuser was someone who everyone else trusted, and so you were supposed to trust them too. To this day I still have people telling me what a great man my grandpa was, and I think in my head you have no idea. (Just a side note)

I hope you can stick it out with your T. You deserve to know that you are worth the support and effort it takes. And thanks for talking to H directly. It always makes her feel more important than when people only talk directly to me about her