On Tuesday this week I have to play piano for the two piano professors at my university and they score me. It's called juries and it's kind of like mid-terms for music performance. I'm so scared and I've had several little panic attacks in the past week whenever I think about being on stage and they're out in the audience with their pencils poised to critique every single note.

For a little background, at the beginning of the semester, I played for them as a try-out for upper division piano. I was sure I was going to make it because I'm the best pianist where I come from but at the university I have more competition. In short, they didn't even let me finish the audition before they told me I wasn't good enough for upper division and that was it. I felt horrible and rejected and I never want to play for them again.
I've been taking lessons with one of them each week and I dread going. She offers very little praise and is extremely strict and judgmental. I used to love to play piano but now every note is agonizing.

Anyway, I've been so upset and scared at the prospect of having to do this and piano doesn't comfort me any more and I feel like a fraud compared to those other pianists from Asian background who are years ahead of me. I've spent today coming up with ways I can break my hand. The best one seems to be to punch a wall. I'm going to do it if I can't get rid of this feeling. Please help.