I am not sure where this post goes, so, if I've put it in the wrong place, please forgive me. I'm feeling really down today. For over a year now, I've had no family. Pretty much all my life they have treated me badly. I'm adopted and when my mother brought me home, my grandmother said that I was not her blood and would be treated as such. So, there ya go, that was the beginning of the end so to speak. Last year, my aunt was in the hospital in very bad shape. I did not even know about it until I read one of my cousins FB pages. I was furious. I confronted her and she told me what was going on. Well, my aunt got better and she was released. Two days later, she committed suicide. I was not told where her funeral would be, so, I never really got to say good bye. Later that year, my mother kept throwing one of my cousins in my face because she has money and just basically trying to make it seem as tho she was better than me. The thing is, I know lots about this cousin and she is not so innocent. I tried telling this to my mother, along with telling her that I'm setting boundaries that I will not allow her to cross any longer. She is, and always has been, an alcoholic. My mother got angry, told me she never wanted to hear from me again and claims to have disowned me. Mind you, I have two kids that were close to her and now she wants nothing to do with them. So, then comes this year, my grandmother passes away. I did not know she was in the hospital nor did I ever know she was even sick. My mother would not let me see her, talk to her or say goodbye. I wanted to come to the funeral, I was told I better not show up. Then, in March of this year, one of my other cousins committed suicide. I didn't even know about until 2 weeks later because one of her friends wrote on her FB page. I would've never known otherwise. Again, wasn't allowed to her memorial. I have tried to be nice to my other cousins, I've tried to show them how short life is and I've begged them to stay in contact. None of them will talk to me. I even swallowed my pride and called my mother this year on her birthday...she thanked me and then hung up as I was telling her about the kids. She doesn't send them cards or call them for birthdays or Christmas. My heart breaks for my kids and I, at times, feel so lonely. I have no friends. The only people in my life are my two kids and my bf. I still feel like a huge part of me is missing. *sigh* Thanks for letting me vent.