I ok, I need some advice, this is rare me asking for advice but since none of you know me I guess I can do it.

First a quick background but not enough to bore you.

1987 diagnosed Major Depression, hospitalized, and out patient followed up with a bipolar diagnosis. I was not bipolar.

That is the only official records on me!

Now I have a friend who just happens to be a psychiatrist, yes the real deal phd and all. She won't see me as it would be a conflict of interest. But we have spoke. Originally she would have diagnosed me as BPD, who ever said I was bipolar was on drugs. How ever more recently she said she would have to change the diagnosis to NPD w/some BPD traits.

Officially I have only been treated for depression and anxiety, my records are clean, I know they are. Here comes the problem.

I know what I am, have known and have worked around it for decades using regular primary doctors only! I've been treating my depression and anxiety as needed.

Fast Forward to present. I am having a problem at work staying focus and concentrating and completing task, my pdoc friend is 99.9% sure I also have ADHD. I went to my primary doc but he will not diagnose me with ADHD. So I had to schedule a full psych exam!

I need to be very careful what I reveal. My pdoc friend suggested I come clean on every thing but that would change things dramatically. I would be on more meds and not be trusted with any narcotics at all and may not be able to get the adderall I would need for ADHD, she knows this. The only other alternative is to just play on the ADHD and keep the rest under wrap.

What is the rest? I am most likely according to my long time good friend pysch phd psych doc a BPD AND NPD, I could easily meet the criteria for both if I was honest. In addition to that, very mild paranoia too.

I do like to drink alcohol and never plan on stopping. I will also use opiates for recreational purposes when available, but never benzos. The reason never benzos? Because they do not provide a euphoria and is a waste of time to abuse them. I have severe mood swings, anger issues, and drive recklessly. In short if I was completely honest I would probably be locked up.

Here's the direction I'm leaning towards, just play on the ADHD there is no way they can discover any thing else as I have covered my tracks well. But part of me wants to come clean because I would like to get better. But this is not the time. My job is in jeopardy! I can not be over med to the point of it slowing me down or making me feel retarded. I need to be 100% functional and in complete control. I've been able to get away with this for decades! I'm just worried that they will stop my benzos and not give me adderall if I come clean. And my pdoc friend said that is a verrry strong possibility. They will offer alternative drugs that will do what I do not want, slow me down.

That's about it. I would ask if any one else is in the same situation but kind of feel that I would be waiting a long time to run in to some one who is. Can you at least understand my concerns? Opinions welcomed and will not be shot down.