Hey everyone,

I am new here. I'm 41 years old, I've had a very chaotic life, a lot of marriages, impulsive, moved about 100 times or more.

I was just officially diagnosed a year ago and have yet to get myself in treatment, I've done a lot of self help though and I have noticed through time my symptoms have decreased to some extent and i'm more able to recognize symptoms and thoughts related to it.

One thing that i'm struggling with is my marriage "no surprise" that it's a relationship i'm struggling with :-) My husband is active duty military and has been deployed for almost 2 years now "How I've managed to keep my sanity during that time is a HUGE miracle".. It hasn't been an easy road that's for sure but in some ways it has been a help not having him here. Our marriage has been extremely turbulent and we were on the verge of divorce when he left. This time I've had to myself has thrown a wrench in my pattern of relationship bouncing though and has caused me to be alone and become comfortable with it. Although i'm physically alone, emotionally I still have those strings attached to him and when I don't hear from him as often as I want or if he gives me news that he's going to be gone even longer then my BPD fear of abandonment kicks into high gear and I get desperate and impulsive. It has been a work in progress..

My question is how do you learn to trust your feelings?
I feel like my husband doesn't care enough and is not there for me the way I feel I need him to be "classic BPD" but I have no gauge as to whether my feelings are legitimate or if it's just the BPD? If my husband treated a "normal" person and I use the word normal loosely.. But I have to wonder that if I didn't have BPD would I still feel like he doesn't give enough? and what can I use as a gauge to actually know that he really doesn't care enough?

I hope that makes sense and I appreciate any help with this of what you have used to decipher BPD thinking/feelings vs. legitimate thinking/feelings.

I look forward to being a part of this board, I know it will be therapeutic for me :-)