Content aside, I do understand the fear of taking a step in a different direction that has some risky side effects. It's not easy at all to make that leap and takes a lot of support - and a game plan.

If your ultimate goal is to 'come clean' someday, perhaps you can put some energy towards figuring out what you would need in place in order to do that. Instead of identifying what's stopping you from coming clean - use those excuses as ammunition to find a resolution, so they no longer become obstacles. Instead, they can be challenges to face and overcome. For example, I'd imagine a safety net financially would be important, in case you do lose your job.