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Old Oct 14, 2013, 07:48 PM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
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If this is where you've been throughout your marriage, then you are still the same woman, he chose to ask to marry him.

I don't buy it, for one minute, that this has anything to do with your weight and size. Diabetes, can do things to peoples bodies, I am not sure where it plays a role, in the bedroom, but I'd suggest looking into that.

Was there a negative remark, from you, regarding porn and masturbation, which resulted with an equal, but painfully placed reactionary statement by your husband?? I just wonder.

Did he even realize, that you are a size 20, when he said that about women and yoga pants? Or was it a foot in mouth scenario, with him?

I get what you mean, about not wanting to lose weight and somehow feed his ego and leave him feeling that this is all about him. At that same time, maybe, instead of making this about your intimate relationship, where he's lost weight for better health, he could have raised concern about your own? In a non-judging tone, non critical way.

When you decide, if losing weight, is something that is important to you, for your own health, then be as straightforward with him, as you can and just say, this is about me, not you and not our sex life.

And getting through this discussion with him, and working through the pain you feel, is important, in rebuilding and rekindling intimacy, and perhaps ask him, what he feels it will take, to be with one another in a tender, loving, attracted way. (reflecting on what it will take for you, as well)



Quote:
Originally Posted by FourEyesAK View Post
And I cannot deny that, yes, I am fat (5'11" and 270, size 18/20). And I have been so throughout our entire marriage. He used to be quite heavy, too, until a couple years ago when he started inexplicably losing weight. It turned out he developed type 2 diabetes and losing weight can be one of the side effects of that diabetes getting out of control. He has since gotten the diabetes under control and has managed to maintain the weight loss, as well.

A few months ago, we had a discussion over our lackluster sex life and the possible causes of such and there are a couple issues, like porn and masturbation, that we discussed, but he also admitted that he finds me less attractive now because of my weight. I have been trying to make some positive changes in this area of my life. I've been tracking everything I eat and was trying to be more active, at least until I badly sprained my ankle a few weeks ago. I've been slowly seeing some weight loss, but nothing dramatic.

And tonight he made a comment that size 20 women shouldn't wear yoga pants. I mentioned that I am a size 20 and asked him if he thought I shouldn't wear yoga pants. I didn't speak to him the rest of the evening. I have spent the last two hours crying in the bathroom. Am I being overly sensitive? I've have spent the majority of my life being overweight, but I've also been pretty active. I ski, swim, kayak, walk, do yoga, zumba - No not 5 days a weeks, but usually a couple times a week.

I had planned on stepping up my efforts to get more fit, but now I feel that if I do lose weight and all of a sudden my husband finds me attractive again that I will resent him. I already do resent him. I don't want him to believe that I'm doing it for him. I'm so angry with him about this. I feel robbed of any motivation I may have had and I feel like my already non-existent self-esteem has taken another beating. I feel like this could end our marriage.

I don't even know how to address this with my husband and try to repair the damage.