Hi.

I am out of control, though you would not know it.

I live with two beautiful young women, and a young child (a girl, 4).

The women they are like family to me, not and never would be involved with them in any way.

Lots of people love me, highly regarded. I always behave myself.

But I am out of control.

There is a precription stimulant type drug called Modafinil which I take, it has NOT got a reputation for addiction, but I am TOTALLY hooked on it.

The MAXIMUM dose you are supposed to take is 400mg per day. I take at a MINIMUM 2000mg per day, and often in excess of 3000mg.

I also drink frequently, typically between 6-18 beers in a single day! (full stubbies of full strength beer).

Yet I maintain everything, I am supportive of everyone, I behave appropriately BUT I CANNOT STOP, or I feel atleast feell like I can't!

I am also quite obese and weigh around 130kg, I each far too much, I can't stop myself, I am very unfit.

I am also addicted to nicotine chewing gum and chew 3X (at least) the maximum dosage I am supposed to chew!

At least I am not doing various other drugs at the moment that I used to do!

I should probably be dead or something, NOBODY take the sort of dose of Modafinil that I take!

Psychiatrically for some strange reason I seem to be doing very well at this point in my life, its just I can't stop all these compulsive addictions!

Nobody really knows or suspect how bad the situation is, I hide it from them, everyone thinks I am fine, despite my bizarre sleeping patterns.

I don't know how I manage to keep my act together, manage to hold my life together. I have fears that the Modafinil and Alcohol could SCREW up my health or kill me, not to mention the obesity!

To be honest, I half expect to just DROP DEAD, it would not surprise me if my body completely packed up.

I have always done WAY TOO MUCH DRUG/

Before my current prefences I was smoking Marijuana non-stop, doing a lot of Xanax, also Ketamine and dong various opiates such as Fentanyl and oxycodone!

I am 38, and I am probably very lucky to be alive, and very lucky I am not totally messed up my brain, because before the above drugs, I was doing MANY other drugs such as LSD and a whole heaps of others on a very heavy basis.

I spend a lot of time playing with the 4 year old girl, she really loves me to pieces. I feel bad if I drop dead, it would not have a good impact on her.

I have been supposed to go into some counseling for drug problems, but I missed the appointments- I am pretty slack and unreliable. Yet I am not trust of doctors or professionals, I don't trust them enough to explain my situation.

Any advice?

Sorry about the errors I have noticed above, but I am in a rush (going to bank, get more money for more Alcohol, just popped another 800mg of Modafinil so that i am not tired).

Been chewing nicotine gum (HUGE AMOUNTS) for over a decade.

Can't control my addictions. I have always have an extremely addictive personality. I have always been weak willed.