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Oct 15, 2013, 12:21 AM
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Posts: 32
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You could be right. We had a long "hash-it-out" discussion last night and it seems he didn't really think of me as one of "those" fat girls. I told him that what he said is hurtful - not only to me, but to all women. We had a talk about his perceptions about weight and attractiveness. Usually, he's a pretty smart guy, but sometimes he says the dumbest things.
I am aware that diabetes can affect "performance", too and I suggested he talk to his doctor about it. I'm actually okay with porn and masturbation. I think it can be beneficial to a couple's sex life as long as everyone in the relationship is in agreement. But he has a little bit of a problem with overdoing it. He's actually made the suggestion that he is porn addict. I told him if he wants to regain a meaningful, intimate relationship with me then he needs to cut back if he believes that's the source of his sexual performance issues. So, we've made some progress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
If this is where you've been throughout your marriage, then you are still the same woman, he chose to ask to marry him.
I don't buy it, for one minute, that this has anything to do with your weight and size. Diabetes, can do things to peoples bodies, I am not sure where it plays a role, in the bedroom, but I'd suggest looking into that.
Was there a negative remark, from you, regarding porn and masturbation, which resulted with an equal, but painfully placed reactionary statement by your husband?? I just wonder.
Did he even realize, that you are a size 20, when he said that about women and yoga pants? Or was it a foot in mouth scenario, with him?
I get what you mean, about not wanting to lose weight and somehow feed his ego and leave him feeling that this is all about him. At that same time, maybe, instead of making this about your intimate relationship, where he's lost weight for better health, he could have raised concern about your own? In a non-judging tone, non critical way.
When you decide, if losing weight, is something that is important to you, for your own health, then be as straightforward with him, as you can and just say, this is about me, not you and not our sex life.
And getting through this discussion with him, and working through the pain you feel, is important, in rebuilding and rekindling intimacy, and perhaps ask him, what he feels it will take, to be with one another in a tender, loving, attracted way. (reflecting on what it will take for you, as well)
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