Well, it is obvious that your mother was far from any sort of ideal mother, that is pretty apparent- she has failed to live up to "good mother expectations".

But as whether your relationship with her is advised or should be encouraged? You have not given enough information. It is OBVIOUS you have a lot of unexpressed feeling towards the mater.

I may be unusual, and it may be hard to arrange, but I suggest trying to find a really good Councillor that can try and help you with your issues, try and be neutral, and try and sort out the complex feelings involved in the situation.

If your mum is not blatantly abusive (physically or emotionally) and seems to have some emotion for you and the kids, then I STRONGLY suggest it is probably worth trying to SOMEHOW works things out. As you said you seem to have turned out alright, perhaps not being "strict" with you was not so bad. I mean if she was strict and punished and hated on you for everything you did wrong, you may be more messed up emotionally by it than you currently are.

I personally don't go the strict, control orientated, "you must obey this" strategy with the teenagers I know. To be honest, I just try to ENCOURAGE teenagers, even advise them but personally control etc have not seemed the right way to deal with it.

My impression is that you should NOT give up on things, but seriously I don't know what it will take, but get you and mum BOTH into some sort of objective professional's presence and TRY at least to in a constructive way express your emotions and opinions.