I went food shopping with my sister today. It doesn't sound like a big deal. But, not only do I have OCD, I have PTSD. This was the same food store we went to the day after my brother died. The first time we went there without him. And my dad started crying in the middle of the store.

I kept getting scared. I thought someone was going to die just from me being there. And that is when intrusive/obsessive thoughts started. As some of you know my OCD number is 4 or 4x4. My brain told me I had to steal four things that my brother liked or my sister would be the next to die. It wasn't a voice in my head, it was my own voice. And I believed it. I already blame myself for my brothers death. I couldn't let my sister die. She's all I have.

I ended up stealing small things. But I got caught. I didn't want to tell PC because I feel like a complete idiot. I started sobbing and just put everything back, telling them it's not that I wanted to do it, It felt like I had to. Thankfully, there was no punishment (though there should have been) as they didn't call the police. But I'll never be going there again.

I can't believe how ridiculous it got in there. I was truly convinced my sister was going to die there if I didn't do something so illogical and petty. I feel horrible about it. I feel like a complete idiot. I am an idiot.