Oh, no no you are not an idiot. You didn't ask for any of your dx & the symptoms that go with them.
If you could've controlled your thoughts you wouldn't have chosen to take those items for the heck of it.
Please try not to beat yourself up about it.

You've posted about having to take steriods. Don't know if these are temp or long term for you but have you noticed any changes mentally since starting them?
I have to take them from time to time for RA and depending on dosage they ramp me up a bit.
Sleep is less,, lots more thoughts swirling around.
I have BP and ADHD so where steriods help physically their mental effects can be tricky, for me.
Maybe you could ask the doc who prescribes them.

Don't know if this helps but wanted to respond.
Again, try to realize none of this is your fault.

Take care. (((gentle hugs)))