Don't beat yourself up because your afraid. I do the same thing. And I am trying to make the same decisions only in reverse. I know shes useless, doesn't hear me, but I just walked away and somehow I am trying to go back and face her and tell her why, not for anyone else but me. I need to conquer my fear. I am not sure I can do it. But I am going to try. I have been learning things lately and recognising that my fears are not because I am a bad person, or spineless, or lazy. Its childhood fears that still have a hold of me.I think you are super great to recognise you don't want to go back. Sure saves a waste of time. It sure is hard sometimes learning to walk before we can fly. But we Will fly Candybear. Hang in there.