IndieVisable. Opiates I think are where this started, and might be why it's getting so out of hand. I've had oxi's before completely by chance, and they are something I think about almost every time I end up taking something.

I can relate to this. Actually this is how I feel all the time. I like the taste of booze but I hate being drunk. I don't even like smoking pot because I get paranoid or depressed (about half my sui attempts) or just pass out and lose the ability to walk really fast. And most days, this completely works.

Two things. One, I've asked my boyfriends to move back in with his mom, and this has been helping a lot. for one, he took his meds. For two, I don't feel like my life's a battleground. The bad thing is that they only way I could successfully talk to him was while super high on painkillers, and it went so well he hugged me and thanked me for being so clear and understanding and said "why cant we always be like this." *facepalm* so yay negative reinforcement. I'm trying not to believe I need to be high for a serious conversation to be successful, but I'm starting to. Even my friend who's been keeping me grounded and motivating me to stop said he was proud of me despite my methods of talking to my boyfriend.

Thank you everyone who didn't judge me. That really helps because