I wonder has anyone else run away?

I have a plan which I cannot be detailed about for fear of triggers and because there is a point from which you cannot come back.

I think the beginning of it comes from being overwhelmed. My H works away and gets home late. I do the food thing and the taxi thing , taking my sons to extra curricular.
I have tried to decompress, but my H when he comes home has an agenda for everyone, every little thing calculated and evaluated. I can't breathe.

I think I am lazy, slovenly, due to my stupidity my sons are suffering no matter how I love my eldest he will still go out and get high.

I have started to make calculations. How much money can I withdraw which will get me to a certain place. I won't go into what happens when I get there. The more I think the more it is going to happen. I know in my heart life with someone like me is detrimental to the growth and happiness of my sons.

Everyday I'm painfully aware that people don't understand my ramblings, efforts to connect do not work. I feel so hollow with the same breath I feel I can be a key to this universe. I see crazy connections.

So I have the opportunity to go right now. I could just take the car and go. But the thought of my child coming home and being alone breaks my heart. Perhaps I should wait til after their birthdays and then go? I don't know it hurts, all of it.