In the moment, it doesn't feel as if I am seeking it out. I just want help, to be safe. Later though, like when I am processing it with T, I realize that what I really wanted was to be nurtured and cared for - and the hospital was where I could get it. Now when I think the hospital might be a good option, I try to assess what I actually want out of it and if there are other ways I can go about it.