I am not sure where to put this. At the minute it feels like cold fingers are probing my entire body. Little claws into my shoulder blades pulling at every hair in my scalp. And the constant reminder that "you are nothing". You are disgusting. Nobody cares what happens to you. So my decisions are are easy about myself. Paralysed to fight. I am so sad but it won't come out, all my past stuck in my throat and all my future never to be evoked. I am on the edge. Right now nearly falling off and very little caring. I have no one to really speak to. my psych is French and doesn't get my inference. I am working minute by minute to remain safe. I really don't know how long I can do this.