I know 1000% what you are talking about I truly do. When I was in the depths of my depression and psychosis, this was a plan I went over and over again in my head. But your sons will miss you and your husband too. It would crush your family.

It's time to call you pdoc. Mine just told me a story about after having her twins, she planned the same thing and she was not depressed, so it's not too uncommon to have this dream...then she tweaked my meds

Be good to yourself and make sure to call pdoc!